Understanding
by Mirime Kisarrastine
Summary: "I am the mascot of our group. Not Cait Sith, not Red. Me. Because I am the one who isn't afraid." Yuffie centric fic. "Pretending is easier than facing your fears. I pretend not to be afraid. Does that make me a coward?" VY friendship... On hiatus
1. Introducing myself

I have read over my 30 nights one-shots and the eighth one - Understanding - once again caught my eye. It is a really good idea (at least in my opinion) and so I'm going to turn it into a really long fic. Hope you'll enjoy. 

Disclaimer: C'mon, you have to know by now that I don't own them.

* * *

My name is Yuffie Kisaragi and I'm a happy person.

That's lame beginning, don't you think? Let's start again.

My name is Yuffie Kisaragi and I'm Materia hunting ninja princess extraordinaire.

That's better. Somewhat mouthful but so am I. Yuffie the Motor Mouth. Brat. Thief. Pest. Nuisance. Trouble. Bother. The one who never shut up. The one who always smiles. The one who is not afraid of anything.

The one who lies to them all.

I never wanted it to happen. I never meant for my mask to become glue that keeps this group together. I never...

I never wanted to lose my mother. I never wanted to leave my home at thirteen to travel the world. I never wanted to join AVALANCHE permanently. But this world has never been about what I wanted. This world has never cared what I wanted. This world...

I'm not making any sense, I know. Someone shoot me now. Please. I don't want this responsibility, this duty, this pretense. Because that's all I am. A fake. A girl who pretends to be brave while inside she's the most scared of them all. I hide that fear. I'm good at hiding things. The only problem is that I know I'm hiding and once I let my guard down, the fear will overwhelm me and I'll become useless.

I'm AVALANCHE's hope. Their symbol, a mascot. I'm showing finger to the danger we're facing. I'm making fun of it. Fuck you Sephy. Fuck you Meteor. I'm resistance. I'm keeping everyone sane and pay for it with my sanity. Dual personality? Man, I wish I had one. There is only one person in my head and that person is scared shitless, all the while knowing she can't show it. I can't show it.

Why?

Because I'm Yuffie and I always open my mouth before thinking through what I'm going to say and when we were discussing the shit we're in, I stood up and declared that anyone scared of Sephiroth and Meteor is dumbass and I'm not afraid, not in the least. Maybe I believed saying it would mean it would come true. Put your head under the blanket and the monster will go away. Pretend it isn't there and it will disappear. It was a false bravado on my part. Yet, I kept the facade.

I overheard Tifa talking to Cloud. I still remember what she said word by word.

"Sometimes I'm so scared I can't move. When I remember Nibbelheim and realize what we are against, what we are facing, I just want to curl somewhere and wait until it's over. And then I look at Yuffie who is the youngest and somehow she's not afraid and I find my strength to go on. If Yuffie can face it bravely then I must do so as well. She's my reminder. She shows me what we are fighting for and why we can't give up. I don't know what I would do without her around."

And that's why I keep being brave. They need me. They truly need me and I like the feeling. It's nice, beeing needed. But it's hard. The whole world is relying on AVALANCHE to save it. And AVALANCHE in turn relies on me to keep their spirits up. And I know that if I give in to my despair, so will them. And then, hasta la vista Planet. Do you know what kind of feeling is to have the weight of the whole world resting on your shoulders? I do. And I hate it.

My name is Yuffie Kisaragi and I wanted to save my country. But this world has never cared what I wanted and so I ended up saving the whole planet. Sometimes, being me just sucks.

* * *

A short prologue, with a different style of writing. Do you want more?


	2. Just an ordinary morning

Here is chapter 2. Thank you for all your reviews and sorry for not updating sooner. I jinxed myself when I said I'd post before Easter. 

Disc.: Not mine.

* * *

I think my life is great. No, really, it is. I mean, how many sixteen years old girls are the princesses of a ruined country and at the same time trying to save the world with a bunch of weirdos? I know only one girl that fits the criteria and that's me. How lucky for me, I feel so special. 

Fine, that was enough of a sarcasm. I may be sixteen, seventeen in a couple of months, physically, but mentally? Woah, I stopped counting. Not that I really care, I am usually too busy with plotting new schemes and pranks to keep up the morale. Maybe it isn't the most clever thing in the world to make them forget by making them angry with me but I never claimed to be a great tactician. That's what we have Cloud for. He's the boss, I'm the clown. We all have a part to play. Mine is just less glorious than others.

Shit, I'm turning into a philosopher. Or is it a philosoph? Don't really care right nooooooow...

"Yuffie, did you sleep well?"

It's Tifa, as sweet and concerned about everyone else as she ever was. Her maternal instincts seem to have gone into an overdrive ever since Mideel. And to answer her question.

"No, I was up 'til three."

'Cause I had that damned nightmare again and so I decided to stay awake until I literally fell asleep on my feet. It's the only way to get an uninterrupted sleep nowadays. The downside is that I sleep about half the time I used to before and I'm simply exhausted. Moreso because I still need to act as if everything is fine and I still have that boundless energy. Sometimes I feel like I was suck out dry. Not that I could tell anyone. It would eventually lead to questions about my nightmares and the protective bubble I put myself in would burst. So I do what I do best. I lie.

"You shouldn't stay up so late, it's bad for your health," Tifa is really like a mother. Or at least, what I remember about a mother. Always caring for you and bothering you with questions. The others at the table paid little attention to the two of us. It was my idea, to have breakfast and dinner at the ship together. To strengthen the sense of the unity. Cloud gaped at me for five minutes after I had suggested it and then nodded. He was probably pissed off he didn't think about it himself. He likes to play at the big boss.

"I know but I had to stay awake. I was polishing my Materia. See how shiny it is?" I produced it from my pocket and the others finally paid attention, just like I planned. It had probably something to do with the fact I slightly raised my voice for the last sentence.

"Damn it, brat, don't shout!"

Maybe more than slightly. Heh, like I cared. The important thing was that they were watching me now. The Materia I held was Summon. Odin, to be precise and he usually rested in Cid's Venus Gospel.

"It's a shame how you neglect your Materia guys, I had to spend three hours just to clean them. Honestly, Cedric," I recently found out Cid's whole name after bribing Shera with a special brand of Wutaian chocolate and I use it every time I can get away with it. "I almost couldn't get Odin out of his slot, there was so much dirt around him. Oh, and by the way, you snore."

Only the table and Barret and Vincent between us saved me from his wrath.

"You $#!&$ thief! Give that back!"

"Not until you hear me out," I jumped on the table, ignoring Tifa's grimace and posed. "Fellow members of AVALANCHE. We are creating a history. In a few days, we will celebrate victory over the ultimate evil, Sephiroth. It will bring us the eternal glory, the world-wide recognition, a fame, fans and all that jazz. I ask you now, my faithful comrades-in-arms, how could we live through the shame of not having our weapons and the most precious of all things, our Materia, in a perfect shape? How could we face the world, knowing that during the final fight, the most important event of the current history, our dear and most helpfull ally was all dirty? Which reminds me, all of you will have to bathe before we face Sephy. And he will do so, too. And if he doesn't, we'll refuse to fight him, okay? I won't fight someone who is all smelly and mouldy after being in a crater for who knows how many months."

One point to Yuffie, I smirked as I looked at the people around the table.

"You're $#!&$ crazy," Cid summmed up what they all thought. I shrugged and dug deeper into my pockets, pulling out the Materia I borrowed last night to pass my time. I really did clean it. I didn't lie about that, only about the reason for my doing so.

"Well, crazy or not, your Materia looks better now," I tossed him Odin and then distributed the rest of it evenly. Knights of the Round went to Cloud, 'cause he's the leader, so he gets the best of everything. Maybe I should plan a mutiny? No, then it would be me against Sephiroth and that's not something I fancy doing. Tifa got back Shiva and Phoenix, Vinnie got Alexander, Red got Ifrit, Barret got Kujata and Cait Sith got Ramuh. I kept Leviathan. He's my favourite.

The strange thing about me, aside from the obvious, is that I don't adress the Summons as it but rather as he or she. Not that there are many females. Only Shiva and Phoenix and I'm sure Kujata is a female too, one that has a constant PMS. Heh, I have to tell Tifa about my theory, maybe we could have a girls' night out tonight and get wasted. I know where Cid's secret stash of a liquor is. Well, supposedly secret. And supposedly liquor. It could be a gas or oil for all I know.

"Hey, Teef, how about we have a girls' night out tonight," I never waste any time when I get a good idea.

"Girls' night out?"

"Sure, you and me could talk about hair and nails and how Cloud's in a bed..."

Barret choked. Cid dropped his cigarette. Tifa and Cloud turned red. Red coughed and curled under the table. Cait Sith cackled. And Vincent stayed the same. It takes a lot to get a reaction from him and I use his behaviour as a norm. Anything I say or do is fine, as long as he stays calm. Once he is shocked, I know I went too far and backpedal as fast as possible.

"Yuffie," Tifa finally got out. "I think it's not a very good idea."

"Why? You mean you don't know what Cloud is like in a bed?" everyone stared at me, well, Tifa glared and I smiled my biggest smile. "I tell you then. He's all curled up under the blanket, hugging his sword like it was a teddy-bear and he drools!" once again the stares, only this time, Cloud was looking at the table, his cheeks redder than I thought possible for a human. Time to finish it. "I saw him last night when I was taking his Materia. What did you think I was talking about? Shame on you. Such naughty thoughts. Tsk, tsk."

Everyone hastened to eat their breakfast after this. It was a good way to start a day. They would remember my words often, complaining to each other about my craziness. And somewhere along the way, they would also forget that we are one day closer to a confrontation with Sephiroth. And that's what my goal is all the time. So I think I can mark this morning a success. It's all in a day's job for me.

I stood up to help Tifa with dishes 'cause Leviathan forbid the lords of the mankind help out. I know, I know, I should tone down that sarcasm.

"So what do you say, Tifa? Will we have that night out or not?"

"Sure," Tifa smiled. "I'd like that."

Yeah, me too. If it goes well, I'll go to bed after midnight, tired out from talking. And maybe this time, I'll have no nightmares. After all, a girl can hope. I smiled at her and then winked.

"We could sneak up on Cloud later on to see what he's like in the bed, hmm?"

Later on, drenched with a soapy water, I reflect on the morning and nod to myself. I did a really god job, I can be proud of myself. And so I am.

TBC

AN: Sorry for any wrong info about Summons, I played the game a long time ago and don't have time to do so again. After all, this isn't a game guide, it's a story. There also won't be much action. The plot isn't about fighting, it's about emotions and dealing with things that are bigger than you. Anyway, I hope you liked it. See ya later.


End file.
